Witty quotes and updates 1

• All trespassers will be shot on sight. All survivors will then be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. Have a nice day!

• Best friends are the people that know all about and still put up with you!

• I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.

• Half the people you know are below average. 

• Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film!

• 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot. 

• A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

• A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

•  The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up

•  All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.  

• The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

•  I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

• OK, so what's the speed of dark?

• If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.