Witty quotes And Updates 3

• A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

• The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have tocatch up.

• All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

• The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

• almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

• OK, so what's the speed of dark?

• If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

• Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

• When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

• Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

• I intend to live forever -- so far, so good.

• If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

• Eagles  may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

• What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

• My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

• Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

• If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

• A conclusion is the part where you got tired of thinking.

• Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

• The problem with the Gene pool is there arn't any lifeguards (hillbillies)

• To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

• The only reason I am always listening to music is to drownd out the sound of your voice!~

• Drive carefully, 90% of people are accidents.

• "Careful with that light at the end of the tunnel, it might be another train coming."

• "don't drink and drive you might spill your beer"

• If you can't fix it with duck tape you have'nt used enough

• Love is like a rose in winter, only the strong survive

• Smile, and the world will smile with you. Laugh and they'll all think your on drugs.

• I'll be sober tomorrow but you'll be ugly for the rest of your life.

• "Where there's a will, there's a way. And where there's a way, then there's usually a stop sign somewhere along the road."

• I'm scared to fall in love, scared to fall fast, because everytime i fall in love.....it never seems to last

• Silence is silver, but music is gold...Lifes Tough, get a helmet! loved by some, hated by many, envied by most, yet wanted by plenty!

• Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.

• "I didn't lose my mind, I sold it on ebay."

• Constipated People Don't Give A crap.

• If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.

• The Earth Is Full - Go Home. 

• So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time. Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult.

• If We Quit Voting, Will They All Go Away?

• Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.

• Illiterate? Write For Help

• Honk If Anything Falls Off.

• Cover Me, I'm Changing Lanes.

• He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost, But Miles From The Next Exit.

• You! Out Of The Gene Pool - Now!

• I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To. Fight